...

Sometimes I go to bed at night and wish I'd never wake up again.
I'm crying since about 2 hours now, I think.

For some days I really thought I don't gotta think about this fuckin' topic anymore.

My plan was just like that:
Leave school in summer (end of the schoolyear, my marks are too bad for the 2nd year anyway), going to Tokyo for 1 month( or maybe more?), come back to germany and work here in different kind of jobs, so I can figure out what kind of job I wanna do and start an apprenticeship in the next year.

I need a break. I really do.
I can't sleep, I wake up crying, my head hurts, I get aggressive without any reasons, my fears control me every day, every night and every fuckin' second in my fuckin' life. I just can't do it anymore

my mother wants me to finish school or start an apprenticeship. When I found a job advert for a local shopping centre today, I really thought of doing it.
But then I realized, that this apptrenticeship would start on 1st August, my school finishes in the end of July.
That means: no break. (And btw I can't go to Tokyo for 3 years then) 

I don't know what to do.
I'm not allowed to do it the way I like. (it's a stupid way maybe, but at least I have enough time to think about what to do. I don't want to do an apprenticeship for a job I don't like)

My mother wants me to do an apprenticeship. then I can't have a break and I have no time to think about what I wanna do.

yeah okay. Sorry, next time I'll write something interesting again. 



btw, check this band out:      NO NEED TO STAY